A word of caution: If you struggle with alcohol addiction or are in recovery, the contents of the blog below may be a trigger for you. Please use your best discretion. I love scotch. If you’re like me, reading that sentence conjured images of Ron Burgundy singing his famous jingle. I couldn’t relate when I … Continue reading Welcome to Scotland: My personal journey to Peatopia
The roof is on fire: Why there’s no real debate on climate change
Let me just get this out of the way right now – I am not a climate change expert. I’m an expert on ice cream sandwiches and Seinfeld and awkward conversations and using the word “and” for dramatic effect when I should clearly be using a comma. That’s my journey. My wife, Megan Maltenfort, actually … Continue reading The roof is on fire: Why there’s no real debate on climate change
Humbug: A child’s guide to convincing other children Santa is a hoax
I hear parenting is difficult, what with all the disciplining and mandatory attendance and whatnot. You’ve got a million things to consider and limited brain capacity with which to consider them. Well, I hear you and I’ve decided to offer a public service this Christmas to help lighten your load. Is your kid at about … Continue reading Humbug: A child’s guide to convincing other children Santa is a hoax
Review: Stretchy Denim
The people have spoken. During the first Instagram poll 42% of participants asked me to review stretchy denim, which lost out to a tale of petty revenge. The second resulted in 46% again wanting to hear my thoughts on pliable jeans, but being thwarted by those who preferred I review white chocolate. I know math … Continue reading Review: Stretchy Denim
Review: White Chocolate
Thanks for voting this in as the topic of this installment of True Jest and all that but I’ve got no patience for pleasantries today. Let’s do this. Counsel Bullock rises from the sturdy oak chair, re-positions the documents in front of him to perfect parallel alignment, then unconscionably tosses his ink pen haphazardly upon … Continue reading Review: White Chocolate
Gluttony: A story of wedded bliss and revenge
Y'all petty. Thanks to all who participated in the Instagram poll to choose this topic. I’m delighted that you’re so interested in petty revenge. And now, our feature presentation. We did it! Over one full year into marriage and I feel as lucky as the day my (then) fiance said “yes!” I can still feel … Continue reading Gluttony: A story of wedded bliss and revenge
Letting people in
I know what you think of me. You've read a couple of my blogs already and you’re still in tears with laughter. You think to yourself: “Golly! This guy really knows the score. He’s sharp and witty. He’s probably a delight to be around and, if I had to guess, just a gorgeous sculpture of … Continue reading Letting people in
Larry’s jowls
Hold up. HOLD! UP! I was all geared up to end 2018 with a poignant and sober assessment of the political landscape in the U.S. I swear. It was written out, edited and ready to publish – a 1700 word kick in the ass, to spark some real change… And then something incredibly unsettling came … Continue reading Larry’s jowls
Review: Bidets
You know how you get into your busy season at work and you’re working 30 consecutive 12+ hour days and you look up from your computer and summer time has turned into fall time? Hopefully you don’t but I certainly do. That’s why it brings me so much joy to return to my writer’s saddle … Continue reading Review: Bidets
Net Positive: The everyman’s guide to sexual attractiveness
Back when my self-image was murkier, I found it difficult to believe it when my older and/or more self-assured male friends used to advise me that “getting girls is less about what you look like than you think.” “Easy for you to say,” I thought. “You look like you and I look like me.” For … Continue reading Net Positive: The everyman’s guide to sexual attractiveness
True Jest 