Back when my self-image was murkier, I found it difficult to believe it when my older and/or more self-assured male friends used to advise me that “getting girls is less about what you look like than you think.” “Easy for you to say,” I thought. “You look like you and I look like me.” For those who haven’t read some of my previous articles, I should say that I used to have a significant self-esteem issue. That’s not uncommon, of course, but it’s an important landmark on the track we’re about to run. See, what my experiences have taught me is that my self-confidence level was half the battle, in the war for the interest of the opposite sex. It’s not that all you need is to think you look good, but more-so that you just can’t be busted and otherwise unremarkable.
Have you seen the movie ‘Hitch’ with Will Smith, where Kevin James ends up with that model chick? Forget about that. I mean, kinda like that but settle down a little, homie. My point is to know your worth, king. Be cognizant of your flaws but don’t let them own you. What do you do well? What do your friends like about you? What do you like about yourself? Focus on those positive things and aim for those to be at least a little more prominent. Net-Positive is all you need to be.
Face it. You’re a little janky looking. Oh, but you make an ill scratch pot pie? Net positive. That lazy eye is throwing me way off, but it’s that cool icy green color like frosted grass. Net positive. Your breath is out-of-control tangy but you need your coffee and cigarettes to function?… maybe own that coffee shop and contribute to your local community – and give up smoking; it’s gross. Net positive.
That’s probably enough examples – you get the message. Oh, wait… Maybe you’re like really hairy-chested but you volunteer on a puppy ranch so perhaps your lady interest will associate caressing your mane with playing with cute puppies? Is a puppy ranch a real thing? I don’t know, man, you’re the one who works there. My chest has an appropriate amount of hair on it …but I digress. Net positive.
My point is that I, personally, started off in a very negative space, changed very little about my physical appearance, and have reached the point where I feel like I’m fairly aight looking, which is more than enough. Gone are the days of random ladies saying I look like “the DYN-O-MITE! guy.” Hello to the days of looking sorta like Tiger Woods or Kid Cudi or that guy from “This is Us.” Now that’s what I call progress. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve done what I could to pretty up the package, but that only gets you so far. Essentially, what I did was a mental P&L report on myself and found that there’s more profit than loss. I’m more handsome that offensive looking (shout out to my fellow 6-out-of-10ers), but I’m socially awkward and sometimes boring or mean. But then I hit you with the occasional wit and general good guy-ness. Net positive.
Or think about it from your own perspective. Aren’t you essentially looking for a net positive also? Obviously, in general, it may depend on your age – the younger you are the less you’re interested in net positivity and the more you’re interested in the physical plus side. But even within that framework, who hasn’t been surprisingly attracted to someone who’s not their traditional type? Sure, a mean, dumbass, pretty girl might be fun in the short term but very soon you’re going to be annoyed with all the negativity and necessity of explaining simple shit that she’s just not understanding. What really excites you is someone who gets your imagination firing. Yeah, she’s attractive but even if she wasn’t, she’s into cosplay and motorcycles and taxidermy just like me – what I wouldn’t give to show her my murder-basement and take her for a ride on my Harley, wearing our Wolverine and Dark Phoenix costumes… You know… or whatever.
Now apply that to someone else’s perspective. We all get it, fella; you’re a little ugly – seen that movie – get over yourself. Have you seen all of these ugly folks with weird looking babies out here!? Our whole society is based on Mr. and Mrs. McFuggerton shacking up and reproducing. And by the way, Mrs. McFuggerton is pretty fine; she’s only a McFuggerton by marriage. What I’m saying is that you’re really not as busted as you think you are. Or maybe, physically, you are, yeah, but you can sing or paint or tell a funny story or you help the homelesses. You foster animals or children or animal children. You’re driven or successful. You’re gentle and caring. You love God. You love the Devil. You hate God and the Devil or you don’t believe in either.
THERE ARE BILLIONS OF PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET. THERE A MILLIONS OF WEIRDOS JUST LIKE YOU.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go find one. Maybe, like me, it’s taken you a longer time than most to realize who you are; but that’s your journey and perhaps you’re a more interesting person having taken it. Net Positive.