I recently went back and re-read part two of this Fatherhood series and reflexively tilted my head to the side and thought “aww.. what a sweet boy. I remember that doe-eyed, lovestruck simpleton I used to be. What a kind soul he was” and so on. Well, that shit is over. I’m just as in … Continue reading Review (in progress): Fatherhood Pt. 3
Humor
Target – Expect Nothing. Pay Everything.
Let me begin by saying that I’m aware of my own insignificance in all of this. Target is worth tens of billions of dollars and I still roll my toothpaste tube to get every smear of my money’s worth from it. But that is what makes this so goddamn frustrating. Here’s the synopsis: I go … Continue reading Target – Expect Nothing. Pay Everything.
“Don’t be gay”
I’m back. It’s been a while. I have a kid now, blah blah, so forth and so on. About five years ago I wrote the following within my blog about Embracing White People Stuff: “The code,” as I perceived it, was mostly defined by situational micro-judgments by the hoodest hood guy present at the time … Continue reading “Don’t be gay”
God or Science
If you follow me on social media you may have seen me call upon “God or Science” to help me understand/explain the order of things and that may have made you wonder if my intentions were to disrespect religion. They were not. The truth is, I’m agnostic. If you’re not familiar with that term, it … Continue reading God or Science
Review (in progress): Fatherhood Pt. 2
I’m just over a year into this crazy venture and already the newsworthy milestones grow farther apart. Ivy’s 13 month mark came and went with little fanfare. Subsequent baby teeth just don’t seem to emerge with the same pizzazz as the first one or two. The milestones that do make the grade, though, really shake … Continue reading Review (in progress): Fatherhood Pt. 2
Bizarre Kingdom: An Entirely Fictional Halloween Special
Ormund Plandt was a nobody. Just the night before, he’d laid his head on his nothing pillow, in his unremarkable bedroom, in his crappy house, on the corner of Mundane Ave and Nowhere Ln. This morning, however, he was decidedly somewhere and someone else. Outside his window, where the morning prior he’d observed the usual … Continue reading Bizarre Kingdom: An Entirely Fictional Halloween Special
Racism is Irrational
Racism is terrible. I’m not sure where exactly to start this blog, but that feels pretty solid. If we don’t see eye to eye on that platform, you better buckle in or jump out. Now, obviously, racism takes on many forms, but for the purposes of this discussion, I’m focusing mainly on racism by white … Continue reading Racism is Irrational
Welcome to Scotland: My personal journey to Peatopia
A word of caution: If you struggle with alcohol addiction or are in recovery, the contents of the blog below may be a trigger for you. Please use your best discretion. I love scotch. If you’re like me, reading that sentence conjured images of Ron Burgundy singing his famous jingle. I couldn’t relate when I … Continue reading Welcome to Scotland: My personal journey to Peatopia
The roof is on fire: Why there’s no real debate on climate change
Let me just get this out of the way right now – I am not a climate change expert. I’m an expert on ice cream sandwiches and Seinfeld and awkward conversations and using the word “and” for dramatic effect when I should clearly be using a comma. That’s my journey. My wife, Megan Maltenfort, actually … Continue reading The roof is on fire: Why there’s no real debate on climate change
Stop being late to things
Several years ago, when I wasn’t quite sure of my identity as a writer, I posted an article about people being late all the time. In retrospect, it may have been overly harsh and could’ve hurt the feelings of some of the people I hold dear. Now, having the benefit of some much-needed self-discovery, I … Continue reading Stop being late to things
True Jest 