Let me begin by saying that I’m aware of my own insignificance in all of this. Target is worth tens of billions of dollars and I still roll my toothpaste tube to get every smear of my money’s worth from it. But that is what makes this so goddamn frustrating. Here’s the synopsis: I go … Continue reading Target – Expect Nothing. Pay Everything.
Opinion
“Don’t be gay”
I’m back. It’s been a while. I have a kid now, blah blah, so forth and so on. About five years ago I wrote the following within my blog about Embracing White People Stuff: “The code,” as I perceived it, was mostly defined by situational micro-judgments by the hoodest hood guy present at the time … Continue reading “Don’t be gay”
God or Science
If you follow me on social media you may have seen me call upon “God or Science” to help me understand/explain the order of things and that may have made you wonder if my intentions were to disrespect religion. They were not. The truth is, I’m agnostic. If you’re not familiar with that term, it … Continue reading God or Science
Racism is Irrational
Racism is terrible. I’m not sure where exactly to start this blog, but that feels pretty solid. If we don’t see eye to eye on that platform, you better buckle in or jump out. Now, obviously, racism takes on many forms, but for the purposes of this discussion, I’m focusing mainly on racism by white … Continue reading Racism is Irrational
The roof is on fire: Why there’s no real debate on climate change
Let me just get this out of the way right now – I am not a climate change expert. I’m an expert on ice cream sandwiches and Seinfeld and awkward conversations and using the word “and” for dramatic effect when I should clearly be using a comma. That’s my journey. My wife, Megan Maltenfort, actually … Continue reading The roof is on fire: Why there’s no real debate on climate change
Review: Stretchy Denim
The people have spoken. During the first Instagram poll 42% of participants asked me to review stretchy denim, which lost out to a tale of petty revenge. The second resulted in 46% again wanting to hear my thoughts on pliable jeans, but being thwarted by those who preferred I review white chocolate. I know math … Continue reading Review: Stretchy Denim
Review: White Chocolate
Thanks for voting this in as the topic of this installment of True Jest and all that but I’ve got no patience for pleasantries today. Let’s do this. Counsel Bullock rises from the sturdy oak chair, re-positions the documents in front of him to perfect parallel alignment, then unconscionably tosses his ink pen haphazardly upon … Continue reading Review: White Chocolate
Letting people in
I know what you think of me. You've read a couple of my blogs already and you’re still in tears with laughter. You think to yourself: “Golly! This guy really knows the score. He’s sharp and witty. He’s probably a delight to be around and, if I had to guess, just a gorgeous sculpture of … Continue reading Letting people in
Stop being late to things
Several years ago, when I wasn’t quite sure of my identity as a writer, I posted an article about people being late all the time. In retrospect, it may have been overly harsh and could’ve hurt the feelings of some of the people I hold dear. Now, having the benefit of some much-needed self-discovery, I … Continue reading Stop being late to things
Keys to being a straight, single man
My fiancé is the best. She truly makes my life exponentially better; so when I tell you that locking that up for the rest of my life is the best decision I’ve ever made, I say so with complete confidence. However, a short time ago I was just like you – lost in the world, … Continue reading Keys to being a straight, single man
True Jest 